Five and a Half Years Later...

Blogs are different for everyone. For some, they are a day-to-day journal of life. Others use it as a scrapbook highlighting important events in their lives ... or maybe their kids ... or their pet chameleon. Me? Well, I haven't posted a single thing since life got overhauled 5-1/2 years ago (new company, married, and since then a couple kids have joined us as well). I'm surprised they haven't shut me down for negligence.

The thing is, I really do WANT to post to my blog, I just forget all the time. I have a hard enough time talking on a regular basis with those close to me; how can I be expected to write something meaningful for the random people who might [however unlikely] stumble across this random blog?

Well, I guess we'll soon see if either of the people who used to read this are still out there. I'm going back to blogging, still infrequently, but this truly is the easiest way for me to communicate my thoughts on topics that go beyond a Facebook status.

People who know me, know that I tend to write lots, especially in emails. Once words start flowing, I have trouble stopping them, and I definitely spend time trying to make sure thoughts are complete. The thing is, I'm not like this conversationally. If you talk to me in person, [in my opinion] I don't think I'm very good at keeping up my side of the conversation. And if things get serious, if the topic becomes important, I get even worse. I want to say the right things, but I end up stumbling over myself and stringing things together poorly ... or not at all. I even have this problem when I go see the doctor - in the moment, I forget half of the symptoms I went to see him for! Seriously, its a problem.

But I digress... (see? lots of words)

This particular post has been on my mind for a long time. I've been feeling compelled to share my experiences and feelings about a polarizing topic. I also feel like the outcome of our experience is something I must share.

I want to talk about the pregnancy and birth of our second daughter Amelia.

Some background: Another thing some people know about me is that I'm a Christian ... or perhaps that I go to church ... or maybe that I'm "religious" ... actually, a lot of people in certain spheres of my life don't know any of that about me, which I'm a bit ashamed about. So, to be crystal clear on how I define myself - I am a Christian. I realize though that this is a very nebulous thing. There are a lot of people who say they are Christians (60% of Canadians, apparently), yet I suspect, for some, Christ has very little to do with their life. This was me for a number of years - I checked the "Christian" box on Facebook, went to church periodically, but day to day there was very little about me that would cause anyone to suspect I was a Christian unless I said it. Well, God, by his grace, has been working on me these last few years, changing me bit by bit. I know I'll never be perfect, at least not hear on Earth, but I have a desire to follow God and I am thankful for the work he continues to do on me.

So, about Amelia - I believe God had his hand on her, perhaps even worked a miracle, and it would not be right for me to let that go without sharing it. She's 19 months old now, so I'm slow in doing it, but it still needs sharing.

The situation: During the pregnancy, when we had our 20-week ultrasound (Jan 7, 2011), they found a "problem" - you know, the one where the test seems to be taking a really long time, and then the tech leaves and gets a doctor, and together they look and ponder ... and tell us nothing the whole time. Yeah, that test. Well, they called us back for a meeting with one of their doctors who finally told us there was an "anomaly" - horrible word if you are expecting. Specifically, there was a density ringing her bowel. They wanted some specialists to review it, and there would be another meeting.

The next week (Jan 13) we went back to BC Women's to meet the specialists. This was a team of a few doctors who had reviewed the ultrasounds. They felt there was a few possible causes - a bowel blockage requiring surgery, infection, down syndrome, cystic fibrosis, other chromosome anomalies, or a few really unpleasant (ie. fatal) things. They were very clear that "its nothing" was not an option [in their opinions]. It was scary, sad, stressful, a lot of emotions all rolled up into one meeting - and it led to a very busy month ... and a lot of prayer.

Both of us had DNA tests to rule out cystic fibrosis (if neither parent is a carrier, then they can rule it out), and Nic had blood tests to rule out some infections. There was more testing they could do on the baby, but the risk of introducing a new problem via the testing was about the same as the original risk of the problems existing in the first place. The math didn't seem to work, so we opted for no more tests.

They also presented the option of abortion, but said we had to decide quickly on that. They could only abort within the first 24 weeks, which in itself [apparently] was a special extension due to health concerns. I'm not up to speed on the intricacies of abortion law, but whatever the case, neither of us considered this an option. More on that later...

Now, we waited - for test results, more meetings, and more ultrasounds. And we prayed ... and we got friends, family and other Christians praying. Through it all, we were miraculously at peace - not off in "La La Land" (as it were), but we were okay with not knowing what the outcome would be and were prepared to accept whatever happened.

In mid-February, we had a boost of cautious optimism. We went for another ultrasound and the technician could not find the problem. This did not mean it was gone - a doctor came and assisted again, but told us that these problems can be hidden. We were excited to hear the news, but at the same time did not get our hopes up too high because there was still lots of pregnancy to go.

Sure enough, we had another ultrasound in early April which showed the density was visible again and then another one later in April which was not as well defined. So ... we did not have definitive answers, but knew that in a few weeks time the baby would be born and we would find out what exactly was going on.

On May 24, we made our way to BC Women's Hospital because Nic was in labour. A few hours later, our baby girl was born. Her entrance into the world was not ideal - it took a LONG time for start breathing/crying on her own, and when she did, there was some weird coughing involved. It was a bit tense as the pediatricians looked her over - because of the coughing and because of the ultrasounds - but they couldn't find any problems. They kept us an extra night, just to make sure there was no lingering issues that weren't immediately obvious, then sent us home.

Today, Amelia is a happy and completely healthy little girl. Aside from a bit of eczema, she has not had a single health issue (except for the normal colds or what not). She is the happiest little girl, full of personality. She walks around our house singing and laughing and brings a lot of joy to our lives.

On the back of Amelia's birth announcement we put the Bible verse 1 Samuel 1:27, which says "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him." (NIV). The context of the verse is Samuel's mother Hannah speaking - she had been unable to have children, but now had been blessed with a son. In our case, we were told our child would have health problems, we just didn't know yet what they would be. The fact that she was born with a clean bill of health and to this day has had no problems - I believe that is a miracle, and that God's hand worked in our situation to give us a healthy daughter.

I also believe that God allows times of difficulty - "trials" if you will - into our lives so that he can reveal himself to us and to the world. This is a whole separate (and HUGE) topic which I won't discuss at length here, but I do think I would do a disservice if I didn't share how God walked through this with us. He revealed himself to us, and it is our job to share that with the world - hence this blog post. Throughout the pregnancy, among all the questions and emotions, God gave us peace. We were able to trust that he was in control, and he gave us the strength and peace to go through it. That doesn't mean there was no times of emotion or concern, I think those are natural as humans, it just means that he helped us through it. And at the end of it all, we were blessed with a beautiful girl with a clean bill of health - something that we were not necessarily expecting, but are very grateful for.

Since it came up along the journey, I need to also insert a couple of thoughts on abortion. For my wife and I, our choice was that abortion was not an option. If our baby had been born with health problems, we would deal with those when they came - who knows, we might yet have to do that with one of our kids. But I wonder - how many people in our situation, faced with the "potential" of health problems with their baby would have elected to have an abortion? We personally know at least one woman who chose abortion simply on the chance of a health problem with her baby. How many others are like her? And of those, how many would have been perfectly healthy as Amelia is? Obviously I don't know the answer to that question from a statistical point of view, but it does make me wonder.

I realize abortion is a touchy subject, especially when you are a Christian bringing it up. A lot of people have spoken on the topic on behalf of Christians, but missed the mark in terms of a Christian response (some, in my opinion, have been down-right nuts). It frustrates me sometimes that the voice of the "Religious Right" (I mean, the loud and visible American version) is the voice associated with all Christians.

... I'm getting off topic.

I read an article that makes a really good point: 

"The term “pro-life” should be a shorthand for respect for the sanctity of life. But I will not let that label apply to people for whom sanctity for life begins at conception and ends at birth. What about the rest of life? Respect for the sanctity of life, if you believe that it begins at conception, cannot end at birth." (Thomas Friedman, NY Times)

That, in a nutshell, is my overarching view on the matter. I don't believe you can simply say you are opposed to abortion, then not care what happens once that baby is born. For example, if a mother was going to have an abortion because she cannot care for a child, then I believe it is our job to help her provide that care. We cannot say "don't have an abortion" then leave it at that. 1 John 3:17-18 says "If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." (NIV). I know its a much bigger topic than what I've said, and I don't mean to trivialize it down to one example. There are lots of facets to the discussion, and some much harder questions to ponder than just health of the baby. I just wanted to make my general point of view clear.

Since I'm on the topic, I also wonder about abortion from a non-religious standpoint - thinking purely as a father whose brain works mostly scientifically. Having now been through two pregnancies with my wife, I don't understand how "life" is defined as related to abortions. With our first pregnancy, we had an ultrasound at 6 weeks to confirm the presence of a fetus (there were some initial concerns that maybe it had been lost). At 6 weeks already, we were able to see the heartbeat on the screen. Doesn't a heartbeat define that something is alive? Or what about brain activity? I have no idea what fetal brain activity looks like from a measurement stand-point, but I do know that both of my daughters started responding to my voice, in the womb, at about 16-18 weeks. I could lean over Nic's belly and talk, and there would be kicks or punches in response. If heartbeat isn't enough, does brain activity and response to stimulus not define something is alive? Even when the doctors told us we could have an abortion up to 24 weeks, I was a bit baffled. I know a couple who had a baby at 21-22 weeks - it was an incredible struggle with lots of work required, but that baby is alive and well and somewhere around 7 years old today. If a baby can live after only 21-22 weeks, how can an abortion happen up to 24 weeks?

These are just a bunch of thoughts that have been on my mind after going through two pregnancies and being blessed with two beautiful little girls, one of whom, for a different couple, might have been aborted. I have no delusions of resolving the debate on my tiny little blog. My hope, if anything, is that our experience might cause someone to pause and think longer about their choices in pregnancy, maybe even change the choice they would have made. I also hope that Christians (in fact, the whole right wing) will start to re-think their views on "Pro Life" and start meaning that regarding more than just pregnancy.

I thank God every day for Amelia and the fact that she is a healthy, smiling, joy-filled part of our lives. Life without her would not be the same.